Drinking & Dragons


From Drinking and Dragons



Haneet's origins are mysterious, even to herself. Her earliest memories are from living deep in Ashewood Forest, toddling along the ground while her adoptive "parents" leapt from branch to branch. Haneet was a child raised by squirrels.

For the first two decades of her life, Haneet was enmeshed in the cycles of nature. She learned of death early- squirrels, even squirrels who have a gnome as their protector- don't live very long. Generation after generation rose and fell around the child. Only her natural magic allowed her mind to develop as anything more than a brute.

Haneet learned about the world from a squirrel's perspective, which aided her through her youngest, most vulnerable years. The world was food, hiding, and daring leaps from branch to branch. Predators were everywhere. The life of a squirrel is a fearful one.

But Haneet wasn't a squirrel, and quickly learned that she didn't have to fear predators. In her early years, she started out scaring off cats and screaming at hawks, but before long she was wrestling wolves and chasing mountain lions up trees.

Haneet was 15- just a child, by Gnome standards- when she first encountered another intelligent being, Letahlias, an elven ranger. He had entered the forest on a quest, only to suddenly find himself under assault by an insane gnome that spoke no known language. She leapt from the trees above, barking like a squirrel, and beating him with sticks and rocks.

Letahlias was more surprised than endangered, and managed to overpower Haneet with little difficulty. Again, magic facilitated communication. Letahlias, in true adventurer fashion, saw Haneet as a resource- she knew the forest in ways he couldn't imagine. He invited her to join him in his quest to find the Lost Cave of Horidan and the valuable treasures that lay within.

Why not? Haneet threw herself into the quest with all the gusto she did everything in her life. She was of little help, but Letahlias enjoyed her company anyway. Over the weeks of hunting through the woods, she started to learn little bits of language. She was a colorful, noisy diversion, which helped the steathy ranger move through the woods- she scared game and more dangerous creatures into action, and Letahlias dispatched them with his bow's deadly accuracy.

This quest, as they all do, ended. Lethalias and Haneet raided the cave, found some great treasure, and then Haneet found her first crossroads: "Do you want to travel back to town with me?"

Why not? Haneet had never ventured beyond the forest, only because there was so much inside the forest to hold her attention. She followed Letahlias back to a nearby town, just a simple village.

Haneet didn't imagine that there were so many people in the world. In the town, she discovered things she never imagined: pastries and ale, and a seemingly infinite capacity to enjoy both. Cast off from Ashewood forest like dandelion fluff, Haneet began to drift around the countryside. She would spend years lost in the woods or mountains, and then ramble back into a town to spend a few more years crawling through bakeries, taverns, and brothels, for as she blossomed into adulthood, she discovered sex, and decided she liked this very much.

Haneet lacks the introspective nature required to philosophize, but during this period she developed what one could call her philosophy. First: Life is a thing to be enjoyed to its fullest. Everything in life should be a source of joy, to those that are good of heart and mind. Second: Evil is that which tries to ruin the joy of others. Stopping evil can be as simple as doubling down on your enjoyment, even if what you have to enjoy is punching evil in the face until it falls down.

Even if evil, in some cases, is the spouse of the noble she had just taken to bed.

"It's a great day to be alive!" is the last thing most people hear before Haneet does something ridiculous while gripped in the throes of her Barbarian rage.

Her rambling have most recently brought her to Sandpoint. Thus far, it's the largest city she's ever seen, bustling with more energy than she's ever known. The glass industry's slag leaves her with a collection of shiny things. Sandpoint Savories is an endless source of exciting new pastries, and the Pixie's Kitten keeps her diverted in other ways.

Theme Song

Iine, by BabyMetal, obviously.