Wild:34 The Beastlands

Starring: Nathaniel, Bo, Fuelwen, Splat , Brilla
Guest Starring: Selkies, Cat People Things, dire rhinos, Theodore the Narwhal
Challenge: Demons, Conflagration Ooze, Brilla's addiction to cute, voluntary meals
Location: The Beastlands
Date Played: 11 Apr 2010

Ambush

Fuelwen: "Oh, save us! Save us!" Well, that I'm not so concerned about. But I don't mind slaughtering demons, and it feels wrong to be in the Beastlands without having a good fight, even if this plane doesn't completely agree with me. I have to admit, I'm quite proud of myself for this particular battle. The demons generally focused their attention on me, using all of their spells and abilities, and even survived the explosion of the Conflagration Ooze. I wasn't able to land many blows of my own, but I withstood theirs. It wasn't dramatic or noble, but it was a fine test of my mettle.

Obviously, our party and the dire rhinos that had been disrupted by the demons had no trouble disposing of the demons.

Based on instructions found on the head demon's body, I was able to guide the party back to the Wemik catpeople village.

Brilla: While trying to get to the demons, we encountered two charging dire rhinos. In an attempt to get some backup for the upcoming fight, Bo tried charming both of them. Miraculously, one of the spells stuck and we had a very large companion to travel with us.

We eventually came across the demons who appeared to be lost and looking for a village. Seeing as how everyone always gets the drop on us, we decided to hide in flanking positions for the demons to cross our paths. This never happened, though, as our charmed rhino's mate charged through the brush to attack the demons.

The fight was tough, and their pet ooze had more tricks than one would expect. In the end, the fight was ours. We almost had to fight the uncharmed rhino as well, but Bo was able to convince them to do more... recreational activities. ::shiver::

Nathaniel: The battle was tough, with Fuelwen on the edge of death's door more than once, but we won the day. Prior to the fight we learned that the demons sought a village, presumed to be nearby. After bandaging our wounds we took our first steps to investigate and a six-armed woman, a marilith, appeared. Battered, she yielded to parlay and Brilla negotiated our safe passage.

The Village

Fuelwen: The village had been besieged by the demons, invaders from another plane. Our aid during the battle made them grateful, and they offered to help us find our way back to our own plane.

Brilla: After the fight, we met with a Wemic. They are so cute! It is like kitties and people gave birth to cute :3

We went back to their village and you would not believe what they had. Kittens! I had to break away from the group and give them brushies. I also had some rope with me so we got to play that way as well. It was SO much fun. I really needed a break like this.

The rest of the group were able to secure time with the leaders to take us to some Selkies that would be have a chance of guiding us home.

I was not allowed to bring one of the kittens with us. I am sad...

Nathaniel: Traveling the forest of the Beastlands, Bo hears quadrepeds tracking us. Yes, Bo's ears are that keen. We double back and discover that we are being pursued by half-man/half-lion Wemics. We quickly learn that it is their village the demons were seeking, and that others had successfully attacked. The Wemics lead us to their village where we learn that the tide has been turned.

Our group stays with the Wemics, who have agreed to help us find a way to return back to the prime material. I spend time teaching the wemic children—called kittehs with glee by Brilla—and spend most of the night with a Wemic bard who tells me their village's stories.

Selkies

Fuelwen: They, themselves, couldn't do it. But they summoned selkies. Beautiful, blubber-laden selkies. Fast and sleek prey, so tempting and delicious. Still, I couldn't just lay into them. We needed their help. They escorted us to their town, deep beneath the ocean. Again, they couldn't help us directly, but suggested that we could win our way back by aiding Theodore, a narwhal, reach the Glade of the Unicorns.

Gathering this information took time. During that time, my interest in eating a selkie became known to a local cultist, one interested in experiencing all sensations. He was actually interested in being eaten, since he was due for a reincarnation so that he could experience life in a different body. At the time, I thought it would be interesting.

It wasn't. Ugh. It ranks as one of the more uncomfortable experiences of my life. It wanted it done in a temple, with spectators. That wouldn't have been so bad, if not for the fact that it refused to fight or struggle at all. Which wouldn't have been too bad, except it died with my first bite. The whole thing just felt wrong, like I was some stupid whale just waiting for food to fall in my mouth while I swim.

Ugh.

And then, this sensationalist, he reincarnated and asked to tag along as we helped Theodore. Suffice to say, one does not expect one's meal to tag along. Awkward and disturbing, to say the least.

Brilla: The new pearl we found was quite useful in my ability to move in the water. I can now almost keep speed with Fuelwen. WE blow a horn and were greeted by a bunch of Selkies. There shapechanging seal creatures reminded me of Deenar, but evidently they are enemies of sorts, so I decided to decline introductions.

The Selkie here are evidently part of a group called the Sensates. They like to experience... EVERYTHING. This proved to be disturbing for many of the crew.

First, I was propositioned by a Selkie to tour the ship. It seemed harmless enough, so I decided to bring it aboard. He was really interested in all the workings and appeared to be enjoying himself. I started to feel something was amiss when he was focusing on the captain's quarters. It soon hit me like rock to the head and I realized what her wanted. Despite my father's incessant ringing in my head that I'll never have children, I had to decline. He isn't up to the high ancestral lineage that I need our family to maintain. Instead, I threw him to the crew.

Fuelwen ended up getting an offer to eat one of the Selkies. His paradise soon turned sour as he did not get to hunt it. Even worse, the now reincarnated food now follows him around. I think he may soon be a vegetarian given time.

🎲 DM Only one of them was from the Society.

Nathaniel: The story of the reincarnating meal is one of the best I've collected in a long time.

A Whale of a Tale

Fuelwen: Theodore the Narwhal wanted one and only one thing- to be escorted to the glade of the unicorn where he could live among "his kind". Old, infirm- he was prey. But I needed him alive if we were to leave the Beastlands, so I held my claws in check. Bo used spells to make him capable of traveling on the land, and we escorted him. My wilderness skills aided me in hunting the glade.

Once found, we dropped Theodore in a hole. In a fit of charity, I made sure the badgers digging it knew to keep it salinated. I know the discomfort of fresh water.

The unicorns granted us a vial of unicorn blood, the component we needed to activate the portal and return to the Wilding.

Nathaniel: I was responsible for his traveling on land, though Bo did grant me use of his snowglobe so I didn't spent on all my resources on doing so.

Brilla: Really now? Really?!? A narwhal so senile that it thinks that it is a unicorn? I hate escort quest....

We had to take the narwhal to the realm of Elehonna. This would have been easy... if it had legs. But hey, lets use a spell to give it legs. Brilliant! Ugh...

Wow, it's super slow and delicious to small lizards. Hey if it were a unicorn it could run away. But it couldn't, because it's not.

When we got the the gate, we couldn't even really let it in. Some badgers had to dig a hole for it while Bo created a spring for Theodore. Wait. What's that? You want to frolic with the other unicorn, but you can't? It's because you aren't one!

Dduururrrrrr......

But hey, unicorn blood and new spells for Nathanial.

Nathaniel: The narwhal was confused, but such a kind-hearted entity. I enjoyed my time visiting with him.

On the Seas Again

Fuelwen: We escaped without further incident, but were treated to a novel sight: the Pink Priaprism, resting on the beach of Lull. That's unexpected.

While we investigate, I'd like to linger on Lull just long enough to get a keen falchion crafted for myself. While it will occupy two of my claws, it will do significantly more damage when I fight upon the land.

Brilla: Today is dedicated to retarded things. Now we have to deal with the Pink Priaprism. At Lull. On the beach. Probably with Killabron to blame.

Some days you just can't catch a break.

Nathaniel: It comes as no surprise that Fuelwen's bar is wrecked on the beach.

Rewards

• Wiki update: Brilla, Fuelwen, Nathaniel: +1 Action Point.
• NPC: +200 gold Fuelwen for Theodore.

http://graphjam.com/2010/03/18/funny-graphs-me-horny/