Brew:21 The Sauceror's Apprentice
Starring: James, Brick, Becca
Guest Starring: Popeye, MeeMaw, Chang
Challenge: Possessed Mrs Epstein and quilt golems; Demons pissed off at Popeye
Location: Carnegie Museum, Egyptian Nevernever, Rodef Shalom
Date Played: 23 Sept 2012
Gay Bingo at Rodef Shalom
Brick: Hey, yo! Meemaw tells us to go with her to the Rodef Shalom temple so she can pick up some stuff. She drives us there... if that's what you call it. Meemaw must have nerves of steel! I've never been in so many near misses in my life! We only went like 4 miles, man! I've never wanted to get out of a car so bad! EVER!
When we go in, I immediately sit down in the first chair I can find so I can give myself a minute to get steady. Apparently, Gay Bingo is happening in the other room. I can hear some of it, but I'm too busy recovering to pay much attention. Suddenly, this little old lady rides up in a wheelchair & points at Becca saying something about revenge & throws 2 blankets at us that come alive! I tackle one, but it tackles me back! Man, what did Becca do to piss off this old lady?!? Fortunately, she must use Bounce cuz they're super fuzzy & don't hit back too hard, but one of 'em must be the Chuck Norris of blankets, cuz it roundhouse kicks me in my jaw. I take out the blankets, but I'm feelin' iffy about takin' out an old lady. Fortunately, James takes her out for me. Fortunately, for me, not so fortunate for the old lady...
James: Alright, so we have to go, uh "elsewhere" to take care of Becca's necklace problem. But first - errands. Time to go to Meemaw's synagogue to pick up some supplies. Even though I'm more of a Buddhist, I start praying silently to various deities as she "drives" us there. I've been less afraid of my life facing down legitimate demons!
So it seems to be gay jewish bingo night, and an elderly obese wheelchair-bound woman summons some quilt-golems to attack us in the hallway. (<- THAT is a sentence I never ever expected to say) I promptly subdue her with my trustworthy sleeping formula, but she keeps on going somehow. Possessed, maybe? While Brick and Becca wrestle with the blankets of doom, I pull out all the stops and hit "her" with my strongest stuff. I sent her and the wheelchair caroming off the walls down the hallway. If it weren't so tragic, it would be hilarious! Kinda wish I got it on video, my YouTube channel would be rockin! The walls of the building react fairly negatively to my actions, and I get a helluva shock. Note to self - try to avoid the stronger shit in religious type places.
Breaking Into The Carnegie Museum
Brick: Meemaw makes us a magic brisket so we can go to Nevernever land or something. It smells delicious. She tells us we got like a day to get in & stop whatever is tryin' to get to Becca.
We get to the museum... Man, I've never been to the museum this many times with any other group... Anyway, we get to the museum, & Chang's there. Becca musta known he was comin' cuz she's got a brisket for him.
Luckily, Chang's got the mad computer skills & gets us inside...
James: Mission successful, regarding the synagogue errands. So now it's time to get our shit together and get ready to go to this other realm thingy. The odd thing (well, additionally odd) - Popeye freakin' shows up! He felt me get jolted at church and got concerned. Turned invisible, and stole a ride on the bus to meemaw's! Don't tell him this, but I'm really starting to warm up to his little demonic ass. So I invited him along. He agrees to stay invisible and undetected. At the museum, Senor Chang once again proves himself to be genuinely useful. He gets us past the electronic door lock and we enter, timing our infiltration around the guard's circuit.
Brick: We get in & when we get to the tablet we get to do what I've been waiting for. Eat the brisket! Man, this things great! I feel sorta trippy as I look at the tablet & a portal appears! Becca tells me to go through so I dive through...
...into sand. This place is like a dessert. I see a little city in the background with a big cat-person-statue.
James tells us to go to the city so we start walkin'. It's hot out so I hope the others'll be okay. While we're walkin' we notice that we're all dressed in like Toga-type clothing. When we get close to the city, we notice that there are demons whipping people into doing work.
We decide to sneak in, but when we start to sneak. Chang starts talkin' about their water or somethin'. Doesn't he know these people only speak hieroglyphs?!? But no! They're speakin' good ol' English!
When James goes to talk to him & get him back with us, a demon catches them. He starts talkin' to James & then Popey appears! Apparently, Popey screwed up some of the demon's plans & they want to make a contract with James. When they walk up, I throw my Church blessed football at one of them. The bridge that it's standing on collapses so I jump down on it, grab the football & spike it into it's chest again. It seems to hurt them a lot. This is the best football ever. The demon kicks the football away which pisses me off, but suddenly, it comes back, hits the demon in the head & lands in my arms! BEST! FOOTBALL! EVER!
We eventually take down the demon, but Chang is down. He might be concussed. Luckily, a nurse-lady tells us she's got a place to stash us until whatever guards are gonna come leave...
James: We get to the tablet in the museum, start chowing down on the mystical beef from meemaw the "Sauceror", and I feed a few nibbles to the invisible Popeye on my shoulder on the sly. Weird shit happens (duh) and we all get transported to another realm of sorts. Looks like ancient Egypt, only more fucked up.
Popeye Pissed Someone Off, Surprise!
James: This is where we find out the fairly important fact that demons can see through invisibility. Popeye, you jackass - you never mentioned this! What the hell dude?
So yeah, a big snortin' whip-wielding slave driver of a demon easily spots my "invisible" cohort, and calls him out. They gots some history, some bad blood it seems. I can't seem to talk my way out of it, so we do the natural. Hit 'em hard!
The battle is fierce, and I'm afraid Chang took a nasty demon-horn goring to the belly and may not make it. But we eventually overpowered the three assholes. Some nice locals (slaves perhaps?) offer to help with healing and hiding our fallen companion.
No commercial break.